Geriatrics

Bill Fisher

Cody

Favorite Drink: Coldbeer

Favorite Med: Cocaine

Hobby: Golf Cart Restoration and chewing tabacco

Bitches About: Girly Young men these days

Proud of Grandson for: Winning the county bass fishing tournament

Loves: Having the tv on all day but never watching it, Smackin Frans ass, Widdling.

"You should go to trade school instead!"

Fran (Francis) Fisher

Jenny

Favorite Drink: Dirty Shirley

Favorite Med: Oxybutynin

Hobby: Emborydery & Jumbo Crossword

Bitches About: Prices at the god damn Movies

Proud of Grandson for: Being an officer of the law, protecting our cities

Loves: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, beloved bichon frise named Quincy

Other Traits: will dunk everything in ranch if I can, rarely caught drinking anything but sweet tea

"oh my word, daggumit"

Jerry Atric

Alex

Favorite Drink: Manhattan

Favorite Med: Prilosec OTC

Hobby: HAM radio, conspiracy theories, apocalypse prepping

Bitches About: Cars turning around in the driveway

Proud of Grandson for: Getting Buffet on my IPod touch. RIP

Loves: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, beloved bichon frise named Quincy

Other Traits: Gary is wacked out and paranoid. Do not mention AI. Is ready for when SHIT HITS THE FAN

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth"

Lorna Flower

Haley

Favorite Drink: Pina Colada

Favorite Med: lithium

Hobby: Sun tanning in the nude and making beef tallow lotion

Bitches About: Youth pride, nasty drag whore queens, pronouns

Proud of Grandson for: Not vaping or knowing who charlie xcx is!!!

Loves: blue hair as long as you are straight, Incense, not wearing deoderent, the show naked attraction (guilty pleasure), Forest spirits

Hates: That I never came out of the closet

Other Traits: TBH Lorna is confused, and is kookoo bananas. kinda homophobic, kinda batshit. She can be inclusive and calm if caught right after her 3pm pina colada. Bipolar probably but also just emits raw bitch energy 75% of the time. Do not bring msg around me.

"God Fucking Damnit!!!!!!"

Oli (Oliver) Maynard

Mikey

Favorite Drink: Whiskey sour

Favorite Med: Diazepam

Hobby: Woodturning

Bitches About: Conspiracy theorists

Proud of Grandson for: Lookin like me

Loves: going in to fix the new guys mistakes and FINALLY having some time for some real fun!

Hates: Fuck those conspiracy nut jobs.

Other Traits: Oli is a realist opened minded happy go lucky guy. Key word on realist. Anywho, I worked down at the local golf club as the lawn technician so if you ever passed by and saw some extra clean greens that was your boy Oli.

"retirement has been a darn smacker of a time."

Missie Sippie

Snell

Favorite Drink: a happy hour cold beer on draft in a frosted mug, no straw.

Favorite Med: Vyvanse, flinstone vitamins, and gabapentin

Hobby: Pole dancing on a pontoon, ridin my big horse, and crunching on pork grinde

Bitches About: the parrot repeating my gossip, changing in attitudes and latitudes

Proud of Grandson for: Becoming an Eagle Scout and becoming a lead manager at K Mart

Hates: hate ending up in key largo instead of key west, sets traps for the fucking parrot.

Loves: love keychain charms and magents from margaritaville and the color margarita blue.

Other Traits: when drunk convinced I have a twin, I only tip in casino chips. spends my children's college fund each year for this vacation, closet smoker, insel in hair.

"wooo doggie"

Glenda Bird

Kat

Favorite Drink: Gin and Tonic

Favorite Med: ozempic

Hobby: wednesday night wine with the women from the community center,

Bitches About: no one takes cash anymore, saggy earring holes, music isn’t good anymore

Proud of Grandson for: finding a nice young blonde girl who fits in so good with the family

Loves: gaudy jewelry, tried to draw eyebrows on her first born grandbaby (she’s shallow, only hotties allowed in the family), loves cribbage

“not under my god”

Bob Briches

Mark

Favorite Drink: Old Fashioned and a Coca Cola

Favorite Med: Viagra

Hobby: Shuffle Board

Bitches About: How times have changed, guest lists, “nice guys”

Proud of Grandson for: Sleeping with 300 people

Other Traits: Lives fast and loose, shocked to have lived till 70, soft spot for hookers, really only wanted to settle down with the one that got away, chased the feeling of first love through crashing weddings

“these bitches need Briches”